Your essay is understandable and it tells me about the urgency to form a new treaty. The essay is well-constructed, starting with the effects of global warming and then moving on to several important factors. From the references given, the information provided seems reliable. However, the part which you extracted from Michael Fitzpatrick and several other citations should be para-phrase before putting them into your essay. In paragraph 1, when you mention that the 2 groups should assist each other to improve the chances of success, how would the cooperation between the two groups improve the success rate? Also, is there any example for the short term goals to track the progress?
Second and third paragraphs are on the financial and political factors. Does the developing countries have an advantage over the emission cut programme? Why is the U.S. having such high emission when it is already so developed, comparing to China? when you mentioned about the sharing of information and knowledge, what kind of information are you referring to? How does it improve efficiency in tackling global warming? About the minimum, yet realistic targets set by countries, any supporting details?
Citings are decently done, just need to take note of para-phrase or putting "" if its a quotation. In the conclusion paragraph, "In my opinion, developed and developing countries should set a realistic target and a little progress along the way is better than no progress at all.", does it really conclude on your topic? Perhaps you can emphasize on the message you want to pass on to your readers. Lastly, from the passage, how will the countries be affected if the treaty is not formed; what will happen to them?
Still! GOOD JOB JH.. keep up the good work =)
Alphonsus
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Paragraph 1 is mainly giving an overview of what my essay will be covering. Thus, no examples or explanations to my introduction paragraph. When I mentioned about the countries assisting each other, I meant sharing of information from Research and Development to reduce the impact of global warming, which I believe can be found in paragraph 2.
ReplyDeleteWhile I think I might have err by not giving more explanation on the meaning of short-term goals to track its progress. My idea of short-term goal was breaking the progress of reducing global warming into different short stages whereby part of the results for different stages would be more significant rather than a long-term progress where results could only be yield at maybe 20 years later.
In regards to why US is having a much higher emission than China when US is already so developed is in the keyword “Since 1950” and “cumulative”, these keywords uses a time scale to measure the total amount of emission from 1950s to present, thus, that is why US have a higher cumulative emission compared to China. While information refers to the information needed to counter or reduce global warming.
Regards
Jian hui